By Koyla Guy
There are 2 things in this world I find comfort in, driving and talking. Meditation differs between each person, some smoke cannabis to achieve the heightened sensitivity and closeness to self, others workout, the avenues are endless. Mine happened to be with cars. I’ve been obsessed with cars and how they work since I was 5 years old, I remember riding in the back seat of my parent’s 1994 Toyota Previa calling out car
To this day, I still am an addict to cars and driving, but 3 years ago my life changed when I started smoking cannabis in my parents garage. All the while building 2 racecars and helping my friends fix theirs. The pattern would follow as such; Subaru breaks, Kolya buys Subaru Parts, Kolya smokes cannabis, Kolya researches fixes, Kolya completes fixes and continues reading. I started noticing that not only was I more in tune with my vehicle and how it ran, but all the anxiety that I’d normally face on the precipice of a task was gone. I was able to look at things as they were, no emotion attached, no headaches and most importantly, no self doubt. I found that each repair, when the steps were followed, would work! And work time and time again. It opened a part of my mind that lacked compartmentalization for what felt like my entire life.
While working on my old Subaru, I was also finishing out my last 2 semesters in school,
working 2 jobs and trying to find time with loved ones all while struggling with grades in my math courses. I went back to what I knew, cars. How did I figure out how to work on the vehicle AND have the repairs be reliable enough to get me where I needed to go? Simple, I looked at the cannabis I was smoking, the visualization and instruction I needed and at the end of my studies I had graduated with straight A’s in all of my math courses. Was cannabis a catalyst for change? Of course not, but where it fell short as the motivator, it picked up the torch as a study aid and as an anxiety symptom reliever. I learned to RE-learn my thought process, approach the world with logic and learn the world from the language of numbers and order, something we’re all seeming to give up in favor of feeding our online egos and appealing to our own personal creed.
Like I mentioned before, cannabis was NOT the catalyst for my change, the change you want to find is always within. No matter how much cannabis you dose, that change will always start on the inside. But I urge each person to do 2 things each day, cannabis or not, 1; Try your damn hardest to make someone smile, legitimately smile and 2; stay in the present. Not YOUR present, the present. There is a difference; I was in my present when I lacked the understanding of logic and logical steps (think fixing my old Subaru wagon). I became part of the present when I helped myself relearn and understand that there are more than one way of doing things. These two take-aways led up to my personal transformation. After that, I never gave up on anyone who brought either their emotional problems or car problems to me and I made sure that no matter the repair (emotional or mechanical) that we ended our time together with a smile. Our interpersonal relationship with cannabis is so tightly knit to our core that each relationship is fundamentally different. This is not something to run from, but something to cherish, celebrate and explore. Seeing someone help themselves and make a change for their own good is better than any high. I implore you to make a stranger smile and maybe, just maybe, think differently about cars, cannabis and contemplation.